About the Episode

In today's episode, we get to know Jason, a veteran and mental health advocate living with Schizophrenia. 📺 Watch at youtu.be/uNHX6kFDP0g and 🎧 stream wherever you listen to podcasts. 🍎🎙bitly.ws/v7nW. In this first part of our two-part conversation with Jason, he opens up about his time in the military, the hazing he experienced because of his mental illness, and the tumultuous but life-saving road to seeking help. Thank you Jason for your honesty and for sharing your advocacy with us.

Be sure to visit nostigmas.org/unsilent to watch, listen to, and read all of our conversations this season. We are survivors, thrivers, advocates, and Allies. We see you. We love you.

BE UNSILENT 💚

Episode Notes

Thank you for being here. To go beyond the show, consider leaving us a positive review and sharing wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us and reach out on social media @nostigmas. We'd love to connect with you. To learn more about NoStigmas and how we can team up to fight stigmas, visit nostigmas.org.

Special Thanks To…

Guest: Jason Jepson

Connect with Jason:

Website - jasonjepson.com

Facebook - bitly.ws/uQjs

Instagram - instagram.com/jasonjepson_

Selected Writing:

"Teach Them To Be Self-Aware" (Schizophrenia Bulletin) - bitly.ws/uQiZ

"The Difficulty With Telling Someone You Have Schizophrenia" (The Mighty) - bitly.ws/uQj9

"Scars that leave no mark have the most profound impact" (Roanoke Times) - bitly.ws/uQjh

Helpful Links and Resources

NoStigmas Website: nostigmas.org

Meet the Team!

John Panicucci | Video Editor

Lance Bordelon | Marketing Coordinator

Maggie Seagraves | Marketing Assistant

Jacob Moore | NoStigmas Founder & Unsilent EP | @jacobmoore

Music

Another Day Of Moon by BatchBug | soundcloud.com/batchbug

Music promoted by free-stock-music.com

Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License

TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Jason: So I joined the Army and, uh, because I was acting out cause of my mental illness, they didn't like me very much. So I experienced hazing. I was actually duct taping the fetal position. It was probably the most traumatic thing in my life, I think, and I really believe that's how schizophrenia really came out.

[00:00:18] Lance: Hi, I'm Lance and this is UNSILENT: a S.P.E.A.K. series by NoStigmas that champions mental health advocacy and challenges the stigmas that all too often prevent people from getting the help they need. We're so glad you're here. In today's episode, we get to know Jason. Now. Jason is a veteran, but also opens up and shares his life experiences with schizophrenia.

[00:00:35] In today's first part of a two part conversation with Jason, we dive a little deeper into his background and who he is, and he opens up about some of the challenges he's had with schizophrenia. He also shares what it was like to join the Army and some of the hazing experiences he had because of his schizophrenia diagnosis.

[00:00:50] We thank Jason again for opening up to us and sharing his story with us. We know he truly does put his advocacy in. Let's dive in.

[00:00:58] Jason: I am a mental health advocate and a veteran. I spent a little bit of time in the, uh, the United States Army, not as long as Elvis, who spent two years, but close . But, um, you know, I think I've always had, especially in high school, some mental health challenges.

[00:01:16] But of course, my parents didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what was going on. I thought it was just growing up. You know, I had some depression and. I, I thought of, of looking back on it, it's, it's text textbook, mineral illness, textbook, schizophrenia, thinking somebody was after me and you know, and so I joined the army and, uh, because I was acting out cause of my mental illness, they didn't like me very much.

[00:01:46] So I experienced hazing. I was actually duct taping the fetal position. It was probably the most traumatic thing in my life, I think. And I really believe that's how schizophrenia really came out. And, um, it, it, it took, it took some time to get over it, but, um, you know, I've, I've always wanted to write, I wanted to write since the seventh grade, I had a great English teacher who was all about creative writing.

[00:02:11] I really, You know, even when I was in the Army, I wanted to be a writer. I wrote, wrote these long, delusional letters, honestly, to my, uh, relatives, my brother, who stopped reading them cause he, he tells me and, um, um, in time I, uh, I, I honestly, at the time, for about a year there, I thought I had special powers.

[00:02:39] Cause all the voices and delusions I had were people like soldiers who I sold with, uh, friends from Richmond, Virginia. They were all real voices and I could see them in my mind. So I thought I had special powers and it took me about a year to realize I did in fact have an illness. And I, uh, it gotten so bad that I was a danger to myself and my parents.

[00:03:01] I was living at my parents' place. And they actually called the police on me. I was handcuffed in the driveway. And God bless them if, if they hadn't, wouldn't have, If they didn't do that, I don't think I would've gotten help. You know, it was a tough situation and I was mad at them first, but now I totally understand why they did that.

[00:03:20] That was probably the hardest thing a parent has to do is, uh, you know, do that. And, um, you know, and. I went to the psych ward for a, a couple of months, then I went to homeless respite cause I couldn't move back into my parents' house. They, they were unsure about how I would treat them, but in the homeless respite the medication started taking hold and I realized I, I, I did in fact have schizophrenia and, um, and I accepted it.

[00:03:52] I just, that's how life is gonna be for me. Um, and like I said before, I've always enjoyed writing and I was actually staying at my aunt's house. I was trying to find a way to share my story, you know, and, uh, this, this academic journal came up called Schizophrenia Bulletin, who does first person accounts of people schizophrenia, severe mental illness, or real related real mental illness.

[00:04:20] And that was just how I really found my purpose. Without schizophrenia as, as terrible as, as it sounds, I wouldn't, I know I, I, I can, uh, share my story. I can help others, uh, maybe even give advice. Sometimes. Sometimes you, you really don't know what to say cuz it's just, you know, um, you know, I, I, I don't wanna tell people, you gotta let your loved one hit bottom.

[00:04:45] I'd rather not say. You know, that's pretty much what, why I got help is cuz I hit bottom. I was growing up around the alternative and grunge era with which, looking back at the songs I was listening to, there were first-person songs about Lithium. That's a person with depression, you know, And lithium is a drug for depression. I didn't know that. I thought lithium was like a, like weed or something like that. Like fun. Ok. But it's just, You know, I shaved my head then too when that song would play and when he said, um, Cause today I shaved my head, I thought that was awesome. Cause I shaved my, you know, depression was there. But it's just, you know, it's what is help, what has helped, what, what did help look like then? We really didn't know we, we kind of suffered and. You know, luckily I had good friends that kinda listened and God bless them, they were great to me. Then I, um, we don't really connect now just cuz we have different lives, jobs, family, kids, you know.

[00:05:53] So, uh, yeah. But looking back, I definitely had depression in middle school and high school. I didn't know how to ask for help, but I did ask for help. I asked for help in a church camp. I was raised Baptist. And the, it was the last night. And the last night, uh, you could say ask for prayer request or, um, just, just whatever, like prayers of Thanksgiving.

[00:06:18] And I said, you know, I've thought about, uh, killing myself. I've thought of about suicide and that, you know, for whatever reason I had a mohawk at the time and that I was already stood out cuz the Mohawk. But, uh, I said that and nobody. You know, nobody really put their arm around me or embraced me or said it's gonna be okay.

[00:06:38] Let's talk to your parents, which I dunno how I would handle that if they talked to my parents. But the only person who really stood up for me was my brother. And he was awesome. He said, You know, Jason, I love you, mom and dad love you. You know it's gonna be okay, you know, and this is a time, you know, was it gonna be okay?

[00:06:57] I don't know. But that kind of gave me the boost to get through middle school and some of high school. And, um, yeah, it was, it was rough. Um, uh, I, I still go to, I go to church online now, so it didn't tone me away from God. It's just, you know, how do you handle that? You know? Nobody knew really how to handle that, you know, back then, back then.

[00:07:23] Um, but I am a man of faith. I pray often. It was kind, it's kinda like meditation for me. But I won't preach to you today cuz uh, I don't wanna hear that. My brother and I, I think he was, uh, in high school and I was, uh, high freshman. We liked going to live shows. We were into punk rock. And um, uh, you know, I remember on a birthday, my, my curfew was usually 1130, but he, one of my favorite bands were playing.

[00:07:55] He got my parents to let me stay out later so I could see this. And, you know, that's just our relationship at the time. You know, now he has kids, he has two jobs, you know, God bless. I pray that for him all the time. Just that, that he has time throughout the day to relax and time where he feels, uh, contented and satisfied, you know?

[00:08:15] But he's a great guy. He's a great dad, great, great walk ethic. He's a, he's a great dad and great husband. Um, I, and. I love him to death.

[00:08:26] I joined in 2003 and 9/11 was still pretty close in everybody's memory. Um, the is, I I never actually saw the footage of the planes going to the World Trade Center.

[00:08:37] I came back from the Army and at that time was living in this crappy apartment. All I had was this, uh, clock radio. And I'll listen to it on the radio cuz I. I, I was still dealing with mental illness and for the most part, I slept in instead of going to college even though I lived a block away. That day, I heard on the radio and just, you know, I'm a visual guy, I have to see it, you know, but it's just like, I remember my college government teacher back in 99 saying, you know, the USA will never be, uh, attacked or invaded again.

[00:09:12] And that happened and I was like, You know, and just, I don't know if you remember, but just walk around everybody I were glazed over, like they, they know what was going on, you know? Well, I believe I wanted to be a firefighter first. So I was, uh, Peace Corps teacher today. That's how I paid my rent. I moved out that crappy apartment, moved into friend of mine with a friend of mine.

[00:09:36] Um, and it's just, A friend, a friend of a friend visited the friend and he, he was like, I, I joined the army. I gotta go back to Maine cuz he's from Maine and he's was gonna go to the recruit. And he like, Wow, you know, that's, that's actually doing something about what's going on now. That's, And it really attracted, I was attracted to the army and, you know, I, I, I felt like.

[00:10:05] The mil, the, uh, firefighter didn't walk out cuz there was a math, a lot of math and science. I am not a math and science kinda guy. This, this subject was, uh, fire hydraulics about how much water, hose, sands and all this stuff. I was, so, I was like, well, and you know, if I joined the army, I get the GI bill and I'll actually have healthcare.

[00:10:27] Cause this was way before Barack Obama and healthcare. So I, I would've healthcare. I thought that was interesting that I'd be taken care of like that. And it's just, I went on the website and I kind of took the little quiz and it said, Calvary Scout, 19 Delta Cavalry Scout, and the definition of their job, This job title was to find the enemy, set up the front lines.

[00:10:51] And I was very attracted to that. But tell I, I struggled in basic training and advanced training for the job. Um, But I managed to graduate and yeah, I was in port between the Mohave Desert. I, I didn't go to Afghanistan or Iraq. But the thing about this particular duty stage, there's nothing to do. These, a lot of young adults, young men, with time on their hands and, you know, young adults with time on their hands is usually a bad thing.

[00:11:23] And I was acting out as far as mental illness goes. They didn't like me. I couldn't relate to them. You know, probably for a lot of reasons and you know, it, you know, I, I, they didn't like me, so, um, I tried, uh, you know, I, I think the most important thing was my willingness to serve. You know, I did, I did wanna serve, but it just didn't ended up cuz of mental illness, mental.

[00:11:53] Stops your life. You know, it's interrupted. I thought an old, an old ex-girlfriend was stalking me, which totally does not make any sense now that I look back at it. But for whatever reason, I thought she came to California from Richmond, Virginia wanting to marry me, which is a total delusion part of schizophrenia.

[00:12:11] Think somebody's in love with you. And I thought it was just crazy. It was. I mean, I was so. It was a hurricane tornado going around in my head and I thought the guys were sleeping with her and, and all this stuff. And I mean, I couldn't soft, you know, I, I needed help. And so I actually went to the mental health clinic thinking I had special pout.

[00:12:38] I didn't mention the, I thought I had special powers. Cause you remember, I. I said, uh, the people in my mind were people I in the Army and from Richmond. So I thought I could talk through telepathy and I actually went to the mental health clinic thinking I could go someplace else or do whatever, and it set me down to take the psychiatric test on a computer.

[00:13:00] And I went to BBO Naval Hospital in San Diego where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia the first time. But I thought I fooled them. I thought, Oh no, I have spec, I have special powers, and they think I have schizophrenia. Oh man, that's stupid. I'm Ed bipolar type and you know, I, I told you about the depression all in my life.

[00:13:20] Well, I told a psychiatrist at the Richmond VA who, who oversee for a little bit and she. And I went there and said, You know, I'm having some suicidal ideation. I don't know why. And she said, You know, you've never taken an antidepressant before, so why don't we try that? That was a game changer. Had I been on an antidepressant in high school and college, who knows, Maybe I could have gotten a bachelor's degree.

[00:13:41] May you know, I'm schizophrenia, would be in there somewhere. I was, I was in severe pain one time and we were running. And I fell out of the run, which is probably another reason why I experienced hazing, felt falling out of run is bad news. And my section sergeant was over me yelling at me and I was in tears cause of all the pain in my feet.

[00:14:02] And it's just like, you know. It was, oh my goodness. So much pain. Such an uncomfortable moment. And you know, it is a lot of the army is tough it out. I think people in charge. Um, I wrote this article on this, the Journal of Schizophrenia Journal that my NCOs, my officers, the people in charge of me couldn't recognize that I was dealing with, with mental.

[00:14:29] Look, when I look back at it, I thought it was obvious, but they weren't trained to pick out, Oh, that guy may be done with mental illness. You know? Instead they got, they, they, I got so bad that they wanted to punish me with hazing and other kind of things like that. Now, in the school, I think. You know, teachers, professors, uh, principals, people in charge should be able to recognize somebody dealing with mental illness.

[00:14:58] Now, you know what? I've gotten gotten help cuz I was a smartass senior year in high school. I don't know, but it's nice to hear that people care about, about what you're doing. Um, my, when I was a senior in the high school, I was taking this college English. Um, and again, it was another thing where I was thinking about suicide, um, and, and he was like, I just wanna make sure you're okay.

[00:15:26] You're okay. And you know, I liked him anyway cuz he treated us like adults, not like high school kids, but, and I think they, they should be able to recognize somebody with a mental illness that somebody's struggling.

[00:15:41] Lance: To go beyond the show, be sure to connect with us on all social media platforms @NoStigmas, and you can always reach out at nosstigmas.org to connect with us and see how we can team up together to champion mental health equity for all. Remember to break these stigmas. We must be on silent. We'll see you next time.

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