This is an editorial piece submitted by Mike Bushman              -michaelbushman64@gmail.com  -                                                                                                                                           

Reconciling Mental Health Awareness, the Media, and Murder/Suicide Coverage

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This is an editorial piece submitted by Mike Bushman              -michaelbushman64@gmail.com  -                                                                                                                                            Reconciling Mental Health Awareness, the Media, and Murder/Suicide Coverage

How can I reconcile my volunteer work to remove mental illness stigmas with learning that a man I once worked with and admired was the shooter in a recent Chicago murder and death by suicide in which depression likely played a role?

It’s a tough question; one I’ve been particularly contemplating since the Germanwings aircraft crash into the French Alps—a murder/suicide with 150 victims and a link to the co-pilot’s mental illness so clear that a psychiatrist’s note saying he was mentally unfit to work was found torn up in the co-pilot’s apartment.

The rare instances where mental illness contributes to mass tragedies—such as Germanwings, the Sandy Hook school slaughter and the Colorado theater massacre—dominates media coverage of mental health issues, creating a perception of a burgeoning issue particularly around murder/suicides. “The perception from media reports would be that the incidence is greatly increasing,” Dr. Scott Eliason reported several years ago in the Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law, “but the data that we have collected show murder-suicide to be a very rare event that seems relatively constant.”

Regardless, because so few who struggle with mental health challenges acknowledge this aspect of our lives, exposure to mental illness as violent tragedy becomes the image of the disease to far too many.

Once this violent image is embedded, fear can spur a desire to stay away from those struggling to achieve mental health in much the same way as segregation metastasizes when those without regular interaction across racial, ethnic or other boundaries hear about another group only through media reports about a small percentage of its violent members.

Fear is best alleviated through exposure, an exposure almost every American unknowingly receives to mental illness on a daily basis. The extent of this exposure was clarified for me after publicly acknowledging my struggles with depression in Suicide Escape, and finding dozens of people I had known for decades newly willing to open up about their own struggles or struggles of family members.

I had seen the numbers: the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration estimates that 42.5 million American adults (18 percent of the population) are affected in a given year by illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, and as much as half of the population will have a mental illness episode at some point in our lives. But opening up allowed me to truly sense the breadth of mental health challenges through ongoing personal interaction.

Why is it important that mental illness be discussed beyond the rarity of violent behavior?

The acute stress response of fight or flight behavior is a human physiological reaction to something we find terrifying, either physically or mentally. It’s an instinctive reaction to anything we consider dangerous.

Unfortunately, fleeing from those struggling with mental illness can exacerbate their conditions. In The Upward Spiral, Dr. Alex Korb noted that interacting with others is critical to mitigating or conquering depression. “Depression is an isolating disease,” he wrote. “It makes you feel separate and alone, even around other people, and this often makes people want to be physically separate. But that desire for solitude is just a symptom of the depressed brain.” In The Depression Cure, Dr. Stephen Ilardi observed that: “we humans find isolation an unnatural state of affairs… . We are literally born to connect.”

Yet, because of fears about mental illness—ranging from fear of physical injury to fear of making an unintentionally hurtful comment to fear of being dragged into an unending time commitment—some people back away from engagement at just the times that those struggling with mental illness most need real connection.

So we must talk about mental illness to keep tragedies from becoming the image of mental illness, even as we acknowledge and work to counter the real pain that mental illness can create.

Of those who suffer from mental illness, less than one-tenth of one percent die by suicide each year. Still, this is a large enough number that suicide ranked as the 10th leading cause of death in 2013, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In addition, the true victims of death by suicide extend beyond the deceased to include everyone who loved and cared for them.

On very rare occasion, as we see reported in the media, murder/suicides occur. Numerous studies have shown that between 1,000 and 1,500 Americans die each year in murder/suicides, with slightly more than half of the deceased being homicide victims. Many of these deaths are not linked to mental illness. That means less than one-thousandth of one percent of those struggling with mental illness physically take one or more other lives before ending their own. More than 80 percent of murder victims in murder/suicides are current or former spouses or intimate partners.

A few common-sense solutions stand out as demanding attention:

  • In mass tragedies, a desire for fame appears to motivate at least some of those who take the lives of strangers. (Not wanting to contribute to this goal, I purposely left off the names of the co-pilot and my Chicago friend. I doubt this Chicago friend was driven by a desire for fame, but I don’t want to encourage anyone who might take inspiration.) Once a mass killer dies by suicide or is caught, I believe their name should be forever removed from public reporting. Fame and infamy should never be a reward for imposing horrors on others.
  • I’m neither a particular fan of guns nor of gun controls, but it does seem that certain combinations of mental illness and other attributes must not mix with firearms. Guns are the primary weapon of choice in both suicides and murder/suicides. The combination of mental illness with substance abuse and prior violent history (even minor physical altercations) is far more predictive of future risk than mental illness alone, particularly among men who are alone. A low-level cap, at one percent of the population or less, would make a valuable safety contribution without threatening the Constitutional right to bear arms.
  • Mental health is vastly underserved, and the interrelationships between mental and physical illness are often missed when treated separately. I don’t believe we should allow any bureaucracy—corporate, government or otherwise—to set limits on the types of treatments that should be available without ensuring that individuals have the right to test if alternative approaches work better. Whatever comes next with health care, we must prioritize individual treatment needs back ahead of bureaucratic compliance.
  • Prisons have wrongly become our de facto replacement for in-patient mental health care across America. Because mental illness combined with violence (as victim or perpetrator) increases the risk of future violence, it appears senseless to expose non-violent criminals struggling with mental health to the violent cultures inside our prison and jail systems.

All this said: how do I reconcile my desire and efforts to remove mental illness stigmas with the trauma imposed when a rare murder-suicide occurs?

I’m convinced that we will drive better outcomes by talking about mental health and working to provide those suffering with the support and resources they need to minimize or escape mental illness.

When we move this direction, the few, painful tragedies tied to mental illness will become even more rare.

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Yoga: A Force For Good in Addiction

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Yoga: A Force For Good in Addiction

When I was drinking at my worst, I was a terrible mother. It’s difficult to admit, but I knew that my kids weren’t getting the care and attention that they deserved,  I was too interested in opening another bottle of wine to really dedicate my time to them. My children weren’t neglected in the conventional sense: I fed them every day and made sure they went to school every day. But I had no time to talk to them, rarely spent time with them, and had no real interest in anything outside of how much I could drink whilst they were at school, or spending time in their bedrooms so they didn’t need to be around me and my mood swings. I was withdrawn from my family, withdrawn socially, and with hindsight, in the depths of depression.

Discovering Yoga                                                          

Some might say it is coincidence, but I think it is massively significant that my decision to enter recovery for my alcoholism and my discovery of yoga happened at around the same time. I didn’t have that clichéd rock bottom moment: I wasn’t arrested, nobody threatened to take away my children (although perhaps they should have), I simply received a leaflet about a local yoga class in my post box one day, and decided to give it a go on a whim. Within a week, I was attending classes every day. I was still drinking every day too, but yoga was certainly making me feel happier than I had for a long time and it gave me a reason to want to leave the house again. There is no magic secret as to why yoga is so beneficial to those seeking to overcome addictions to drugs and alcohol but there is certainly something therapeutic about attending a yoga class.

Yoga simply gave me clarity: time and space to think quietly about what I was doing to myself and those around me. It was whilst I was in a yoga class that I realized that I just didn’t want to drink anymore and that I wanted to be a better person, to get the old happy version of myself back. Of course that wasn’t as easy as it sounds; rehab was hard work, I relapsed spectacularly and I will always consider myself to be an alcoholic. But I continued to attend my yoga classes every day and now I have come out the other side as a better mother, a better wife, and ultimately a better human.

The Healing Effects of Yoga

Yoga helps me feel better about myself. When I have finished a yoga class I feel calm, fulfilled, and ready to face whatever life has to throw at me. I realized that one of the reasons I was drinking was because I found the pressures of motherhood to be overwhelming, and far more challenging than I expected them to be. But now I realize that that’s nothing to be ashamed of and that there are many moms that feel this way. I love my kids, but they are hard work. I am still a busy mom and, like most busy moms, my kids still occasionally drive me crazy. But yoga has given me the tools I need to handle the stress and pressure of parenting in a healthy way rather than simply block it out with alcohol.

A local yogi once told me that when you are an addict, your body is a holding place for the pain that drove you to become an addict in the first place. Yoga helps to release that pain and process your feelings around it at your own pace and in a controlled environment. It took a long time to realize that my feelings of guilt around my parenting skills was actually what was driving me to alcoholism. Now though, I think that my new-found passion for yoga is an addiction, albeit a healthy one, and one that I would recommend to any alcoholic who is looking for the strength to give up their addiction. 

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This Is Me

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This Is Me

[Thank you for sharing this with us! You are incredibly brave, and you have the support of the whole NoStigmas community as you continue on your journey!–NoStigmas]


I’m 17 years old and I’ve been through more than most. About 3 years ago I started self harming and then about 2 years ago I attempted suicide. I’ve been in 4 different treatment hospitals 6 different times. I’ve attempted suicide so many times that I’ve lost count. 

Since then I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder traits. My last hospital stay was from May 27 of 2013 to May 5 of 2014. I have not self harmed in a year and 10 months on July 6th of this year. I still have a long way to go, but I know I’m going to make it. God is there for me and maybe my experiences can give hope to others. My favorite quote is H.O.P.E- Hold On, Pain Ends… and I never forget to keep holding on anymore because I know there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. <3

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10 Ways To Support A Friend With Mental Illness No Matter Where They Live

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10 Ways To Support A Friend With Mental Illness No Matter Where They Live

“My computer is three feet from my bed. When I can’t make it that far I take my laptop to bed with me. If I can’t sit up I use my phone. I guess connection is important to me.” (Fran Houston.)

Connection is important to us all, but those who live with mental illness can find good connections in short supply. Changes in mood and behaviour can put relationships under strain, leaving people feeling vulnerable and alone precisely when they need help the most. If you have a friend who lives with mental illness you have the choice to buck the trend. Be the one who doesn’t back away. With the internet, distance needn’t be the obstacle it might appear. I am caregiver for my best friend Fran who lives with bipolar disorder three thousand miles away in the United States. Here are ten ways you can be there for your friend. You really can make a difference.

1. Do what you can

Distance means there are things you can’t do. You can’t give your friend a ride to appointments, fetch groceries or call round with a hot meal. You can’t hold your friend’s hand or give them a hug. Focus on what you can do. Play to your strengths and what your friend needs. (Hint: if you’re not sure what your friend needs - ask!) If you’re good with the internet perhaps you could help your friend find information online. That might include researching your friend’s condition (see #7, “Get educated”) but think outside the box. I’ve helped Fran plan trips abroad, book hotels when she’s traveling with limited internet access, and even acted as an emergency GPS service to help her catch a flight! Are you good at organising? We share “to do” lists and keep Fran’s appointments, trips and meetings on a shared calendar so we’re both aware of what’s coming up. I also remind her to take her medication each morning but not everyone appreciates being prompted like this, so ask first. Illness can get in the way of communicating effectively. When Fran is manic her writing tends to become rambling, “poetic”, and hard for others to follow. I act as a safe audience, proof-reading important letters and emails and helping Fran present as clearly as possible.

2. Be there

Practical help is important but your presence and commitment are the most valuable gifts of all. As a caring “internet friend” you can be there when it might be inconvenient for local friends and family. I may not always be free to chat or talk immediately but Fran knows I will never ignore her call or turn her away. Such trust is powerfully reassuring, valuable and stabilising.

3. Be vigilant

Being in regular contact puts you in a great position to detect changes in your friend’s behaviour or symptoms which might suggest things are moving in an unhealthy direction. Your friend is allowed to have a bad day - or a good one - without that necessarily implying anything dangerous so don’t leap to conclusions. Share what you’ve noticed, though, so your friend is aware too. Vigilance is a team sport!

4. Be a team player

You have a unique and valuable role to play but you can’t do everything. Allow others in your friend’s support team to do what they can do best. That includes other friends and family, professional and clinical specialists. With your friend’s permission consider introducing yourself and exchanging contact details. I carry details of Fran’s doctor, psychiatrist and care manager at all times, as well as some of her close friends. I’ve never needed to call them but it is good to know that I can.

5. Use all the tech

There is more to being supportive than picking up the phone when your friend is in crisis. Technology is wonderful! Use it creatively to grow a relationship rich in shared experience. Email, social media, instant messaging, SMS (text) messages, voice calls and webcam - each has its place and unique flavour. Mix things up a bit. If you normally hang out on social media try emailing for a change. If you always webcam from your study at home, try calling from your phone next time you’re in town or at the beach. Invite your friend to do the same. Share your worlds as well as your words. And don’t ignore “snail mail”! A handwritten letter or greeting card is a tangible token of your caring relationship. (Steer clear of “Get Well Soon” cards unless you are sure how that message resonates for your friend.)

6. Have a plan B

The thing with technology is… it doesn’t always work! Have a backup plan for when either of you lose your internet connection. Phone calls and SMS (text) messages can be expensive, especially if you live in different countries or are traveling. However, they can be reassuring. In 2013 Fran crossed the Atlantic from New York to Southampton on the RMS Queen Mary 2. The ship’s internet service was too expensive for Fran to use but I sent a text message each morning and night (normal international rates on my tariff) which let her know I was thinking of her.

7. Get educated!

Be the person who takes time to learn what your friend is going through. Research your friend’s illness or situation online, check out “friends and family” books if you can find them, and read books and blogs by people with lived experience. Look for online courses, and workshops such as the excellent Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) course which is taught around the world. No book or course will tell you what it’s actually like to live with illness but they help you appreciate what your friend has to deal with. Fran is the expert on how bipolar disorder affects her personally but I probably know more about the disorder in a wider context. Together, we make a formidable team!

8. Listen up

Try to resist the temptation to leap in with suggestions and “fixes”. There are occasions when practical help is appropriate (see #1 “Do what you can”) but sometimes what your friend needs is a safe space to share and explore what is going on for them. Treat such trust with respect and make sure you both understand what is happening. You are called on to withhold judgment while your friend talks openly about their thoughts, feelings and situation. You don’t get to judge them and it is down to you to handle whatever you hear. It’s not about you. Worry helps no one but if you are concerned for your friend’s welfare or safety discuss that with them, and engage other help if you feel it is necessary (see #4, “Be a team player”).

9. Don’t forget yourself

Being a friend to someone who lives with mental illness is deeply rewarding but it’s not all “sunshine and rainbows” so give thought to your own support needs. Don’t be a martyr! If you are struggling be honest about it so your friend knows what is going on. That might be all you need - a caring relationship works in both directions - but your wellness plan might also include extra time with family and other friends, hobbies, a visit to your doctor… whatever works for you. You might feel a bit guilty. After all, you’re the “well one” and your friend has far more to deal with than you do. But well or ill, we all wobble. We all need to take care of ourselves, and we all need help sometimes.

10. Enjoy yourselves!

Remember to make time for life’s simple pleasures. Not everything has to be about illness. You may be far apart geographically but with a little imagination there are lots of ways to share quality time. Take turns choosing a book and read to each other over the phone or webcam. Have a private music concert or get some popcorn in and watch a movie together online. Fran and I recently watched the Preakness horse race using a combination of my PC and her phone, laptop and TV. It was a great race and lots of fun!

I’ve shared some of the ways we’ve have found to bridge the geographic distance between us. Whether your friend lives on the other side of town or the other side of the Atlantic, you can help them best by keeping in touch. Keep talking. Keep sharing. Use technology as creatively as you can, because ultimately miles cannot separate us if we dare to care.

About the author

Martin Baker (“Call me Marty”) graduated with a First Class Honours degree in Pharmacy from the University of Bradford in 1983 and completed three years postgraduate research at the Parkinson’s Disease Society Research Centre, King’s College London. Certified in Mental Health First Aid, he is committed to developing his skill set in the mental health arena. He took the internationally recognised Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST) course in July 2014. Recent training includes ‘Beating Bipolar’, a web-based course developed by Cardiff University, and eSuicideTALK, part of the most used and widely recognized suicide prevention-intervention training in the world.

Marty is a current member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), The National Association for Mental Health (Mind), and Bipolar UK. He is a registered Champion of the Time to Change anti-stigma campaign and a member of Stigma Fighters and the NoStigmas Project. Marty has family experience of bipolar disorder and depression and is primary support and caregiver to his best friend Fran Houston.  With Fran he is writing a book about how to be a good friend when your friend lives with mental illness. Marty lives in England and has worked in the computing industry since 1993.

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I Found My Way Out of the Darkness

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I Found My Way Out of the Darkness

When I was 16 years old, I lost my first boyfriend to suicide, I spiraled down to darkness: I went through depression and considered even ending my own life. My healing journey took a long time as in the beginning I didn’t even want to seek help, I was afraid to be labeled crazy and that almost cost my life.

Slowly I found my way out of the darkness, I found my way through the pain. Today I can say that I’ve learned to love myself and my life again. I feel strongly that I want to help others by sharing what I learnt during my journey. I have #NoStigmas. 

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