I am not one who normally comments on the ongoings of the world, I usually reflect on them internally while silently taking in the reactions of others. Lately however, with all the hate and violence going on it’s hard to stay quiet. I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m hopeless. I hate to admit that I feel hopeless but sometimes it’s the truth. I simply do not understand how we can have so much anger in us that we need to cause harm to others and ultimately ourselves, over and over again. 

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There can be a great deal of pain associated with our pasts. That pain can bring on feelings we try and avoid at all costs; feelings of shame, embarrassment, and hopelessness. The thing about our past however, is it will always be a part of us. No matter how much we try to hide where we came from our past cannot be unwritten, it will always follow us, be our shadow. The key to dealing with our past is through acknowledgement, acceptance and understanding. 

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There is only one thing I have ever been certain about in life; becoming a mother. There was never any question in my mind that one day I would have children of my own. Whenever I thought about the future I always imagined all the wonderful memories I would create with my children.  I dedicated several years in my mid to late twenties focusing on becoming the best version of myself. Keeping my depression and anxiety in line was always a big reason for this but it was also about preparing myself to be the best mom I could be. I never wanted my future child to feel the burden of my illness, I needed to be in the best possible place for myself before I could become a mother. 

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