My journey hasn’t been pretty; in fact it’s been like a war – a war without guns.
I've been managing my own bipolar disorder for many years now and have long been frustrated by what I call the Misery and Romance response to bipolar disorder. It's either described as the worst burden a person could ever carry or the source of his or her creative genius.
It is widely assumed that you cannot possibly have depression because there always people ‘worse off’ then you. That is true but it isn’t some sort of binary choice and it’s not as if I have made a choice either. I wish I could be content but something in my make up gets in the way.
Times when I was drinking too much, or having a lot of suicidal ideation, starving myself and binging and purging. But I am still here. My friends and family have been such a love and support. I have let go of so much of that internalised anger and chosen love.
If illness leads to a downward spiral, then health leads to an accelerating upward spiral. I’m not entirely sure where the threshold between up and down is located, but I know it is blurry.