Ever since I can remember I felt depressed, I thought it was just low mood, that will just blow over… but it never did. I made up lies for why I was upset and anger all the time, so I didn’t look weak! Didn’t help me out at all, people started finding out and I just started hating myself, asking myself why would I, I’m just a disappointment. I just didn’t know why I was upset.
I knew I was anger at my father he has always had this power over me, my sister, Mum, and brother. He would say the worst things to us, abuse us. I would always be scared, I never knew what would trigger him. I don’t see him much plus he hasn’t lived with us for a long time now. I felt upset for my brother who has kidney disease, but him getting a transplant was amazing.
It was just a normal day, no one was fighting with each other. Everyone was just happy doing their own thing. Mum was dying my hair, after waiting 10 mins or so I went had a shower. I don’t know what happened but it was just black to me suddenly, I couldn’t feel anything. My mum saved my life. I was in a coma for a week, anyway. I had a heart conditioning my whole life without knowing. It was passed down from my dad. I didn’t have a heart attack, I had a cardio arrested. I felt a lot of emotions. I had to have one of those transmitters put in me, I would tell you the name of it but I can’t spell it. I started getting more upset taking it out on the family, moved out at a young age, living with my boyfriend… a lot of stuff happened. I jumped to house to house, I was using, drinking, just not in good shape. I started getting really depressed just about what’s happened and blah blah blah, I was self-harming, tried taking my own life a few times there.
I lost a close friend, Tristan Manshall. That hit me really hard. He was amazing. My mate, best friend, an annoying person (at times) but most of all he was just his perfect self.
Anyway, I started helping people by becoming a listener on this site 7 cups. I help people and when I feel down they help me. I stopped using, hurting myself, started going to college, lived at home. No more jumping to house to house, no more homeless homes or being homeless for a few nights. Put my life back together! Still have my difficulties but now I know & understand how to control my emotions and get through them in better ways.