NICOLE

I had a traumatic experience when I was 14-years-old, which then caused a non-existing relationship with my mother. I was brought up being told that I could not talk about anything and that I was not allowed to show any emotions. So, that’s what I did.

I started feeling depressed the summer after I graduated high school and it went down from there...

From the ages 18 to 23, my depression became worse and I developed an eating disorder. I suffered in silence for five long years, and even attempted suicide once. I was forced to seek help and go to therapy. I realized what I experienced when I was younger had a huge impact on how I am today because I never dealt with it.

I am now currently dealing with all of the emotions, pain, and loss that I should have dealt with back then. I have been self-destructive for twelve years and didn't know anything else, between my eating disorder, substance abuse, and self-harm. I had become another statistic in the opioid epidemic and hit rock bottom. I had tried so many different kinds of therapy and just wanted to give up. On July 3rd, 2018, I made the hardest decision I’ve ever made and checked myself in to inpatient. I was only there for 4 days, but I did it all on my own and I feel so much better mentally and physically. I now have more resources and tools to help me when I’m struggling because it’s still going to be a long road ahead in recovery and being sober. 

I have recently been able to come forward to others about my story because it is my goal to help raise awareness for others who haven’t found their voice yet. I don’t want anyone to feel how I felt during my darkest times. It’s my mission to encourage others to be able to speak up and realize tomorrow might not be as bad as today.

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