I love your organization and wanted to share my story with you. My hope is that it may be helpful to someone on your page.
I have suffered from a Major Depressive Disorder for the last 23 years. I’ve been through times that were more difficult than others, mostly when I wasn’t taking medication or when my medication was no longer working.
Last October I made my first suicide attempt ever. I had a plan, wrote a note and took pills. I was ready. I didn’t want to exist anymore. The dark hopelessness in my heart and mind was too much to deal with. Much to my disappointment (at that time) I woke up and survived. Over the next few months and the realization that the medication I had taken for over seven years was no longer working, my doctor worked at finding something that would work. About two months ago we found a medication that worked with very few side effects.
Last night I fell into another dark episode and considered a second attempt. My 22 year old son encouraged me to call the crisis line and I did. After talking to the counselor on the other line for a half hour, I was too emotionally and physically tired to think of anything other than sleep.
This wasn’t the first close call while on my new medication. There have been several other times in the last few months. So why am I having all these dark moments, when I believe the new medication is working well? The common denominator in each occurrence has been alcohol. I’ve always drank socially and never seemed to have issues after drinking that I’ve experienced the last few months. What I have come to figure out today is that anything more than one drink has an enormous impact on my depression.
I always knew it wasn’t a good idea to drink while on antidepressants, but had never took the warning that seriously. I realized today that if I want to continue to successfully manage my depression, that I need to stay away from alcohol totally. It’s a risk that I shouldn’t take if I want to continue to be here for my family and friends.
Thanks for all you do!!